Audge : Daring Greatly: BE VULNERABLE

Daring Greatly: BE VULNERABLE

By Unknown 8/27/2015 Audrey, book review, happiness, inspire, TED, thoughts, video

I have recently read a book that has altered my way of thinking and has SERIOUSLY changed me. That sounds drastic, but it's the honest truth.

Some of you may have heard of the TED Talk by Brene Brown on Vulnerability. It. Is. FANTASTIC. She did a follow up on that one with a talk on shame. Also FANTASTIC. They are so insightful. Here. If you haven't watched them, watch them. SO GOOD.

That being said. She came out with a book called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way we Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. I can honestly tell you that it is one of the best books out there right now. She speaks about vulnerability in an easy, casual way that helps you not only to grasp the importance of what she's saying, but also understand that she struggles with it too.

So. When I learn something new that empowers me and lights me with a passion that I can't tame, I simply must share it. Here are some of the key things that I pulled from it and my thoughts on the matter after reading her research and studies.

1. The difference between guilt and shame is TREMENDOUS.

Here’s the easiest way she explained it.

Guilt = I did something bad

Shame = I am bad

Those are two VERY different ways of thinking. Some of us struggle with one or the other, but most of us have experienced both, sometimes at the same time. Brown explains how telling yourself that you are bad or awful, be it by failure to be good at something, not looking a particular way, or not having complete control over everything, it’s all unhealthy for you. Shame causes us to crawl inside ourselves and hide under that protective blanket we all have. By doing this we completely cut off any opportunity to grow and learn and interact in positive ways. Vulnerability seems scarier than that scene in Wait Until Dark when Audrey Hepburn is blind and being chased by a mad man in her own house. Shame kills vulnerability.

Brown gives some tips of how to work yourself out of “gremlin” shame attacks (yes, she calls them gremlins and its awesome).

Practice Courage: Start small. Make it a progression. Courage is empowering in a very unique way.

Talk to yourself like you’re a loved one: “Audrey, you do great things with your life, and I’m so proud of how you get up each day, no matter how soft that bed is.

Own Your Story: Take ownership of your life! Own the victories, own the losses, own the decisions, and own the consequences. It’s YOUR life, make it however you want it to be.

2. Vulnerability is the only way to innovation.

This is extremely important, in my mind. On so many levels. Innovation, creation, evolution, whatever you want to call it, none of that can happen without taking risks, trying new things, exploring. I think all of those words are just different ways to say, “I am VULNERABLE, please let me learn!” Brown talked specifically that in the workplace, managers and leaders need to create an atmosphere of openness to vulnerability. It’s the only way that innovation can be attained. People thrive in environments where they feel they can express themselves and try new things.

I think one way this idea can be implemented into personal lives is to simply have an open mind and reach out. Read up on things that interest you. Talk to people on your commute or in your neighborhood. Explore different hobbies or skills. TRY NEW THINGS. Don’t be so afraid that you won’t be good at something, or that someone will think you’re weird because of it. Innovate. Maybe you want to be even better at something that you can already do well. Just go out there and EXPERIENCE things.

3 3. Vulnerability isn’t an option.

This is the biggest thing I gained from this book. We cannot simply opt out of the idea of taking risks. It simply isn’t possible. If that were the case, we would never grow into the people we’re meant to be! Now, don’t get scared off, because it’s a lifelong process. Everyone struggles with it in their own way, and everyone learns how to open themselves up and take that “leap of faith” and to take it again and again. Ms. Brown talks constantly of how she’s always working on it. In fact, she talks about how she did NOT want to do that TED talk, and that no one would even care about what she had to say and it she would just be making a fool of herself. Turns out…….her words went global, and people all over have been touched by what a simple, every day woman had to say about something she seemed to notice in her research.

Over the few years since I watched her TED talk, and now reading her book, I’ve thought a LOT about vulnerability. I am naturally, a reserved person, but over the years I’ve realized that the moments I felt the most joy or the most accomplishment or the most growth always, and I mean always, came when I took a risk and let myself be vulnerable, even if it was only a short moment. Even when the results weren’t exactly pleasant, I still grew from the situation. And not once have I ever felt regret over choosing to be vulnerable. It pushes me forward. In my experience, it hasn’t necessarily been easier each subsequent time I let myself be open. But it has become easier to coach and remind myself of the great things that can come into my life if I will only let myself be seen.

Because Walter Mitty speaks to my soul, I’m going to compare some of his experiences. So at the beginning of the movie, we find him trying with all his might to send a wink to Cheryl, the attractive new employee. He is absolutely paralyzed. He experiences that internal battle we all go through when we’re about to take that risk, to let ourselves be seen. Then he does it. He clicks that button. VICTORY. Except…….then it doesn’t work. The wink is denied. WORST FEELING EVER. BUT, the key was that he did it. Vulnerability won the match. Later, he musters up the courage (remember how courage helps to fight shame? That’s exactly what helps Walter Mitty) and talks to her in person. He builds on those moments and eventually is able to show him true self, because he took that leap and let himself be seen.

I am in a constant state of working to be vulnerable and take risks. Not just risks, but risks that are really hard for me. If I could hug Brene Brown and thank her for changing my way of thinking, I would. Because this book was well worth it.

Vulnerability is one of the hardest things we’ll do. But it’s also one of the most freeing things we’ll ever do for ourselves.